I told him that I didnt care if it hurt. I just wanted to know the truth. He didnt even tell me that he was in a new relationship. I had to find out for myself. He grew up in a group home so maybe thats why he is who he is. Like he doesnt know how to love or care about others.
He made me cry a lot even on my birthday. He criticized me for being vegetarian saying that he didnt meet me like that. Before the break up I was looking for an apartment for us. I was going to get a second job and put school on hold because I wanted to be with him. I was thinking about us and I was willing to put my dreams on hold. He on the other hand did nothing to help us reach that dream of living together.
He just wanted to smoke pot. He had a job but had no intention of going back to school or doing really anything. I was giving more than recieving. I thought I could motivate him and maybe even change him. I learned my lesson though. Well just last night i cried my eyes for a guy who told me we were right for eachother and he loved me we didnt date long but as soon as a bad situation came up. He bailed out and cut me off.
I simply said it was a test and it will make our relationship strong but he wasnt buying it. Even went as far as to tell me I was not really crying and that i was forcing myself to cry and Im like really.
He said he changed his mind because i was being disrespectful and I was rude and this was just a bad dream and to forget about it. I mean i couldnt believe the words that he was saying. He was a straight jerk and he was 10 yrs older than me Im 25 hes 35 everything about him was perfect until this happend. Eric, I wanted to thank you for the great articles that you write! I think the true closure comes from yourself sometimes, and just accepting the situation and moving on.
Thanks again! So I am now faced with options of either continuing a friendship with him, parting ways completely no contact , or some middle space of texting, talking and hanging out once in a while with him with no real depth…. Do I stop talking with him all together until my heart heals?? Sorry Eric Charles, but cutting someone off and not discussing the relationship issues shows how immature you and many people are these days.
Most relationship problems can be resolved, but people today are too lazy and unwilling to work at them. Relationships and sex have become a dime a dozen. You have serious commitment and insecurity issues I gather. In fact based on your previous posts you sound extremely insecure and like you have very low self-esteem. You need to be in therapy to work on your issues because you have some. However, I suspect you are not long-term relationship or marriage material anyhow based on the comments and stories you write.
You come off as very selfish, self-absorbed and constantly in pursuit of this fantasy idea of happiness. It suggest that you are narcissistic individual who has the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. Instead of communicating you just run away like a kid. Sorry, ladies and men , but any man or woman who acts like this is emotionally immature. They are not ready for a relationship and will never be marriage material.
Avoid these people if you want a serious commitment that will be long-term and marriage. And long-term means more than a year or 2. Hey eric I believe you are wrong. If you dated someone for a longer period of time you owe them closure. Not endless discussuion but two or three follow up mails for example. Just ro make it easier for the dumpee. It happened to me — i wrote a nice goodbye letter to my ex; not clingy or begging him to come back because i knew it was over. More have a nice life, was lovely to meet you.
We also lived in different countries so there was no point in pursuing an already broken relationship. He never responded. Eventually not even saying goodbye when I flew back home. And that really hurted.
Almost more than ending the relationship. Made me feel completely worthless. Questioning the whole relationship. I have hopefully moved on now as i dont know his reasons, i did not do anything bad and one mistake or missed perception of him does not devalue me.
But a simple courtuosy when appropriate would not kill your principles or pride and might made it easier for the other. You might respond it is my ego talking which is definitly true, but is it right to crush someones ego just because you are in a position to do so? Well said. It is obviously his pattern using women. He was such fun and is hard to forget but there is deffo no future with such mrn. Letx move on. I was involved with a man for 2 years, first year just friends.
He lives in my apt complex. I ended up falling for him its the first time in years I felt that way.. I am not from this city and dont have many close relations here. He at times would turn cold on me, I would question him then he would get upset and push meto friends,saying hes notready to fall in love he needs time. This man is 50 always been a bachelor no kids.
Never lived with a woman. Last relationship was age 22 she left him after 5 years for another guy. He had addiction issues for years but gave it all up. He has a bad arthritis and injects himself not sure if this is why he turns strange on me around the time he injects.
We got along amazing the and did alot together but he would not commit to me but stated he was not with anyone, that if he met someone he liked more he would tell me. So hes also an amateur golfer and lost his job 3 months ago this put a big upset in our relationship. Last time we were together for 2 days he said he wanted to buy 2 gold rings and claimed Im the best woman hes ever been with, he said this during romance.
There was always high attraction with us. The next day we were just sitting there and he said you have gained more than 10 lbs I cant believe it. This upset me as he always loves my look. Then an argument ensued he said i told you i dont want a relationship, I said we have been in one for 1 year.
He said I want to be alone. Then he said dont contact me for a week. He turned nasty I never saw him like this. So the next day he texted he would call me that night.
He called after golf and told me his schedule for the coming week, asked how my day was. He said hed call after his tournament which ends tonight. He said he wants to see if he will miss me and if he can do good in golf without my coaching. He lives 6 doors down from me so imagine the hell I am in. I only have 2 other friends here. He never mentioned our breakup OR the voicemail message before we would talk 1 hr about us not now.
It was again about him mostly. I told him I have an interview for a great job he was happy. We talked 25 mins. He does not seem as cold now he said hes 2nd in golf his final day is today and he will call me tonight to say how he made out. I am not getting my hopes up. I had said in text I sure hope your not involved with someone new he never responded…. I had to go for emergency couselling as I am so upset he was like my family here..
I am hurting right now. I was in an affair for 5 years. I met him and he was married with 2 young kids. I am much older and it started as a friendship. I would listen to his problems, his unhappiness, how he was struggling financially. He depended on me, asking me never to leave him. I noticed one time a year into our affair that he has constant text messages — like in 24 hours. I questioned it, he admitted he met a girl after a gig and she kept wanting to talk. I believed it.
He made me feel special, and I got deeper in love with him. He finally left his wife, he started going on small trips here and there saying it was a singing gig but there were no photos etc..
I am very smart and can usually figure out a person, not this guy, he is the best con I have ever come across. I was stupid enough to continue the affair, seeing him when I could.. I felt so amazing being with him, helping him, getting his career to a higher level. I bought all the lies because I was blinded. He told me his wife wanted his Facebook and not to write anything for a week … then posts photos in the middle east somewhere. The more I asked, the more he lied and covered up.
Soon after his divorce he said he just wanted to be friend but still wanted financial help from me. He still wanted to sleep with me.
He would get mad if I asked questions and get more distant. The next day he disappears, 3 days later he posts a photo in Paris.. My girlfriends show me photos this past week of him partying but not with one girl in particular.
How can he be so evil, a liar.. I too am shocked and devastated although I saw it a long time ago. Please tell me what I should do — just erase him from my life? What about the 5 years of dedication I gave him? I have feeling and he stomped all over them … I risked my kids, my marriage and I am so unhappy with me life now, while he is enjoying the good life.
First off, shame on you for getting involved in an affair. Yes, I said it. You just allowed yourself to lose control. Secondly, that man is using you. Helping him financially and you are not his wife??
Are you insane? Thirdly, you are not in love with him. This man is a loser. He has no respect for himself or other people. He lacks integrity, compassion and empathy as well.
Are you kidding? Lastly are you seriously asking how can he be such a liar, evil and manipulative. You are willing engaging in an affair with a married man. Have you not grasped who you are as a person? You need to leave him alone immediately and get into therapy because you have some serious issues lad. Beth, I completely agree that being in an affair is wrong but, I am also aware that people make mistakes and have done things that they regret. There is a major difference between giving people advice and making people feel like shit.
As for the woman who calls herself damaged I would like to tell her that what she has been through does not have to define her as a person. She is a human being and she deserves to be respected. My only advice to her is to A. Not get into another affair, B. Remember that this man that she had an affair with does not deserve her and C. Please try to figure things out with your husband especially since you have children. I can tell you that divorce aucks ass for kids a lot of the time. I would know I am a child of divorced parents.
Whatever you do please have your kids best interest in mind. Hi Eric, I am in a long distance relationship. I broke up with my boyfriend last February then I found out through Facebook that he went on several dates with a girl who kept tagging him, announcing their dates.
That happened a month after we broke up. He eventually confirmed it. I was hurting but I told him I was happy he found someone near him and that I hope it works out well for him this time.
A few weeks after that we decided to give us a chance again. I am in a relationship for 3 years then in a sudden he stop communicating with me…i am trying to call him and send msgs but then no reply…i dont the real score between us.
I just decided to break up after 6 years of being in a relationship with him. I asked him why? He said he was just attracted with her but then he realized that he really loved me. To make it short, it took 6 months I gave him 2nd chance.
After reading that message, I then finally decided to break up with him. He defended his self and said he never had any communication with the girl, that he was just trying to get some news about her. He told me, he thinks I dont trust him. So I answered, I tried my best to trust you but you gave me reasons to doubt it.
He also said he dont wanna lose me, that it hurts cause he loves me, and asking if we could atleast stay friends? I actually said being friends would be fine. I just need help cause right after the break up, he sent me some messages as if nothing really happened.
I stopped replying on him to give both of us some space. Or should I just simply not reply? I just feel bad that all of a sudden I didnt reply. What should I do? To whom it may concern. It ended badly.
I met him thru his bff, which is a mutual friend. We have discussed the breakup many times. My ex started dating someone not even a week after the break up and he has told others he was never really in love with me.
It hurt for awhile…. Been 6 months and I got over it. And in some twist of fate I started dating his bff. We were sneaking around for a few months cuz he felt it would hurt my ex if he found out. We really cliqued. We were happy, I was happier then I ever been in a long time. He had feelings for me way before my ex came in the picture but it was bad timing for both of us. My ex knew how he felt, and adked him oermission to date me. He told me that he never realized hiw he felt about me til i was dating his bff, and he didnt like it at all.
He told me I made him happy. He also told me he loved me. My ex was out of town for 2 weeks and we wanted to figure out how to tell him. When he came back home, things got weird between me and the bff.
He ended it. It was painful for me. Like he lied to me, just like my ex did. It felt so real to me!! He has chromes disease and didnt want to let me in with that situation, like he used that as an excuse as well. That he needs to get his head straight. My question is, and I wonder til this day, its been almost 2 weeks since we broke up, did he really truly love me?
Did he push me away cuz of my ex and if there is some possibility that he maybe hurting over this too? I know nobody can read minds, I just need some sort of answer, good or bad, for my piece if mind. Thank you for listening ;. So I dated this guy for about 3 months. Everything was going great; he told me he loved me, wanted to get married, have kids, move in together etc.
Then he found out his mom is really sick. He did make up his mind though that he planned to move back home at the end of his lease to be with her. So for a while he gave me the runaround; he barely spoke to me, he did not want to see me or anything.
He met up with me about a month after he found out the news and said that he did not know anything about his moms condition, and that he did not know what to do about us. He basically said that he goes out with his friends alot, and that he really turned to alcohol, so I figured him withdrawing was his way to cope with everything.
About 3 weeks later, he travels home to see his family. I message him to make sure he got back okay. He responds and said that him and his dad were figuring out some things, but that it wont happen between us.
I figured thats where it was going, but was hoping maybe things would change or he would at least confront me about it to my face. So a few months pass, I figured he was moving and would be back home by now. My friend just recently relocated to a new store for work. I came in to see her and it turns out that he is still working there he was supposed to be gone at the beginning of the month.
I also found out that he was sleeping with one of his coworkers behind my back at some point and is now staying with her.
I even heard this rumor a while ago, and confronted him about it, which he adamently denied the last time I saw him in person. He still plans on leaving, but since some of his fellow coworkers have gotten fired around the time he was supposed to leave, they have yet to find a replacement for him. He knows that her my friend who relocated stores and I are friends, and that she will tell me the truth.
But apparently he did not flinch or say he was going to do anything. What the hell happened? I have debated on saying something to him to see if anything will come of it, but as he made clear he doesnt seem to want to confront me. To me that sounds like he has not truly moved on, but that he has not dealt with any of his emotions. My friend seems to think that this was all too real for him and he couldnt handle it, but that eventually he will come back.
That this new girl he is with is just filling a void so he can throw her away to the side when he leaves and that hes using her for a place to stay. I dont know what to think at this point.
He and I met at a party and most of our relationship was long distance. He broke up with me a year after we met and was harsh about it. He said he never loved me, knew it would never work, etc. I was crushed. About 6 weeks later he came around wanting to get back with me. I gradually got back with him simply because I loved him. I knew better but I loved him.
I moved to his city to be near him. Two months after my move he ended up breaking up with me again, this time to go back to an ex, someone he had once said had broken his heart. I was crushed again and so humiliated. Then after one week the no contact rule I got a call that he died suddenly. We never spoke again after the break up. It seems like I will forever be stuck in the pain of losing him with minimal closure and only mostly painful memories of a rocky relationship.
I feel like I was nothing to him, our good times were a lie. He died less than 3 months ago. It still feels like shock. We were together 7 years. We are 40, so I really expected a bit more from him. He had 2 kids, I have one. My daughter considered him her dad. Worst part, he never said goodbye to my daughter. I was devastated…even worse than that, we work together! They are still together. He is obviously a very good liar or thinks he is. All the while keeping his unknowing girlfriend.
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By clicking "Accept" you agree to our terms and may continue to use letsmend. Cookie settings Accept. Close Privacy Overview This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. I flipped out he said se was just a friend like I have guy friends. Only 13 years younger than him. How can someone Want someone for 20 years get them tells them she is the only one he loves or will ever want and then be intimately and the 2 days later selfies with someone else?
He always told me I will be the last for him he loves me so much and has for all those years. I love him with all my heart. We have always got back together. So rude! At least he responded to my text when I asked what I might have done wrong. He said he needed space — typical guy comment.
I respected his need for space and never contacted him after that. I maintained ex-girlfriend compliance by not communicating with him again. He went out of his way to send me a text only to ghost me again. It was nothing more than a teaser text. If he really cared, he would have offered a colossal apology and explanation. I was even willing to hear his side and forgive, but he never gave me a chance. This guy was a cool dude, but after six months we had an argument about him spending time with me after not seeing each other for a week.
He cancelled dinners on me and claims to have forgotten a dinner, but he arriver twenty minutes later. We texted two days ago, but his texts are cold. A waste of time and money. Hi I like reading all the comments because we can all somehow relate to this. My situation is similar yet slightly different. This guy started working at my work and weeks later I noticed him more and more as he had a good sense of humor anyway long story short, he ended up liking me and I liked him too but I was slightly telling him no whenever he would try to kiss me or whatever.
We were more determined to do our thing. Mean while he started distancing himself and I somehow found out that his ex was pregnant with his child. That was a hard pill to swallow. Any months of being hormonal, confused, trying my hardest every time we met to somehow attract him Towards him, I kind of felt the need to accept what was going on.
However he would always say or do something that would bring me back to square one. Yet he wanted this secret relationship with me that was purely physical. Mind you I really thought he was my best friend in the entire world because we would hangout only when we were working on our business and would have the best time. I went for vacation to another country and his child was born and next thing i know I am unfriended on Facebook, blocked actually, and our communication has been shifted on emails, which really frustrated me because I felt like I am losing all sorts of connection with him because of his ex.
I knew it was coming but I was still hurt. I did nothing wrong but to support him morally and financially and I lost my friend. They always come back and silence is the best curiousity for someone like him. It gets him going, in the mean time I have not crushed my dreams of having a business, I started one and am doing well in it, I plan to succeed, I just wanted to care and love someone and do everything with them so it hurts.
And yes ofc he used to act hot and cold in those period, but i was cool, thats not a big deal for me. Till, when he starts busy in work, he hang me in a text and answer it after two days which is its me who send another text, saying are you okay? And he replied saying he is fine, just so busy at work. And I didnt put a reply after. Now, 3 weeks has past, and we didnt contact each other.
Should I just hold myself, and never text him first? Wanted to get your thoughts. Within three weeks, we ended. He also had pressures of paying off his parents house and debt as they had retired and then his best mate had convinced him just recently to buy a bar.
I guess the last two weeks in my own way I was seeking reassurance of where am I in all this? Why would anyone in their right mind say that and then the following day break up? He came round the next day and said the more he tried to make me happy the less happy he is and I said he was projecting on me with all his pressures and he said he felt consumed and thought someone else could make me happier and give me what I deserve. People — is it his friends? Pressures in life? Not happy with himself or am i not accepting the obvious that he is just no that into me?
There was nothing wrong we were great together. One Saturday we went out and after met up with his friends, I was meeting this group for the first time. Everything was perfect, he never felt distant or awkward nothing. This literally just happened to me right now. I wake up. I check the profile pic and sure as hell its my ex. He just left.
No fights. No arguments. One day he was there and the next…like he never existed. He ignored all texts and calls from me.
Never got any word from the day he left till now. For closure I assumed he died I had no option…I really hated him for that.
Just sincere closure. Thanks for sharing your story. Would love to hear your follow up about what he says once you talk to him. I was with my ex for five and a half years and a month ago, he ended it with me with absolutely no warning and no reasoning really.
In November, I got really unwell and had to have an operation, had to leave my job and it really really took its toll on my mental health as well as my physical.
He said he was fine with me not working and I needed to get better first etc. Whilst juggling hospital and doctors appointments to find out what was wrong with me. He was buying me designer gifts, telling me he was going to propose before our holiday, looking at houses etc so we could move out the flat.
He was a really kind and generous person anyway so it was so nice he treated me when he had some more money. It was literally only for 5 days but it was really effecting me. So I believed him. Then 2 days after that On the Saturday he woke up, and he was in a mood again. His mum sent us a group message and was being rude so I said something to him and he literally snapped at me for no reason.
And I just got out of bed and sat in the living room. He stayed in bed for about an hour, got out, sat on the sofa and then said that he needs to ask me something. I said what?
I asked him if he wanted me to leave, and he said yes. He then left and went to his dads, and I went to my parents. I really thought he would text me and realise wtf he had done, but nothing. I went back later that day to grab our cats. Went back to the flat whilst he was at work and he had put all my belongings in the living room.
He left me a note and it said that he will always love me and have a place for me in his heart. Do you have any idea what he was thinking? Literally all I want is for him to regret it. I did everything for him and he threw away a 5 and a half year relationship just like that without discussion. I have not contacted him in any way either. I was really interested in my professor in university masters and we spoke briefly but all within the context of academia and nothing much; when i tried to show a little bit more interested he was not very receptive and the semester ended and we stopped all contact.
I have been seeing him for 3 months now and we were dating but we never talked about exclusivity. We never had sex but our last physical encounter was a very intense make out session which was 3 weeks ago and since then he has become very cold and distant. I went silent since our last contact which was a week ago and not planning to initiate contact again.
As a man I can tell you that he would not lose interest until after you have had sex. If he is a decent guy, being concerned for your feelings but not wanting a relationship with you, he would keep his distance. But ask yourself…do you want to involve yourself with a man who is uncertain that he wants to begin a relationship with you? You could be checking into heartbreak hotel for an extended stay!! We still saw one another and as time went on saw more of each other and texted almost everyday.
Then one day he ghosted me. I went on messenger and called him on it. He replied to it. We are both 61 yo. Will I hear from him again. Are women really this gullible? Coming back usually results in someone getting used and abused. Are men really this cowardly?! For the ladies and gentleman who have been ghosted, the important thing to remember is that when someone ghosts you, it says nothing about you or your worthiness for love and everything about the person doing the ghosting.
Keep your energy focused on doing what makes you happy. We never had anything, like we spoke well with each other but nothing more because he had a girlfriend. Since last year I noticed he started taking interest in me and I did in him as well but of course since he had a girlfriend none of us did anything.
After half a year he broke up with her because he felt like they fell apart. We then started texting a lot and everyday for several hours and soon we started going on dates. We dated for 1 year but we never put a label on our relationship. I have known this man for 8 yrs , he had always pursued me but i never gave him what he wanted. He reached out to me on linkedin and asked me out.
We went out and that night i slept with him. I am currently divorcing my husband and he knows that. We went to a fancy dinner and went back to his place, we made out but i stopped things before anything wcould happen. I felt as if that was my cue to go and left. The thingbthat throws me off is how sweet, romantic and what seemed to be genuine feelings he had for me.
Smelling ny hair , kissing my forehead.. We started talking again and and hanging out as friends, it was like we never stopped. Then we talked about exploring a relationship. We started doing things together when we could and it was great, or at least I thought it was. I know his ex wife really hurt him so his barriers were high. He would make comments that made me definitely think he was thinking about our long term future.
Then one day he started getting distant and not being very responsive I didnt hear I pulled back contact and didnt hear anything for 2 weeks. Then I told him how this hurt me, and I didnt hear from him at all. I told him how it was odd to hear from him after he was so radio silent and how I thought things were progressing and then just halted.
He spoke like there was still a lot of interest there. He made it a special point to talk about where he hung the Christmas present I got him and how much he still loves it and it was so special to him. My ex broke up with me 3 years ago. He never talked about his feelings or communicated about anything. Just in the last 6 months, he started randomly texting or calling, whenever it suited him.
He left me with no explanation. We have been intimate once, and I haven5 heard from him again. Last year I went on 1 date with a guy. He got super drunk would not listen, drove and ended pulled over by police DUI, found out next day.
I gave him name of a lawyer I knew. After that he ghosted me…fast forward year later meaning about 2 months ago i saw a profile on Tinder, pics looked familiar but name was different. Was same guy. He uses his middle name commonly. We met up again. I did politely call him out on his year long vanishing act, I know now standard drivel..
Way too soon!! I went ahead with it though. They seemed very nice. His parents 80 years old. Things started downhill quickly after that. What seemed the perfect match turned out to be shallow words and a nightmare. He snuck a bottle of Mezcel into my place was secretly taking shots. I didnt know!! He suddenly got very ugly and angry. Got verbally abusive, sexually aggressive, puked on my floor passed out. Stage 4 alcoholism. He lost access to his kid because of his drinking.
He never told me of course. I am a light social drinker. My perfect match, a perfect disaster. Right after above happened another one reappeared. This a bit different. Years ago I owned a condo in a building, this guy was my neighbour. I didnt know him beyond hi. I moved back 3 years later and we ran into each other. He is the opposite of above never drank at all.
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