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Miller SL, et al. We also know not to take a few tiny studies at face value. One of our writers went on Tinder dates to help you with the world of short-term romance. Perhaps you could learn a thing or two from their adventuring. These studies also have pretty severe limitations. In fact, a different study took place, involving homosexual men and heterosexual men. Gobrogge KL, et al. Homosexual mating preferences from an evolutionary perspective: Sexual selection theory revisited.
Relationships are a learning curve. You may well not want the same things at 20 years of age that you do at 30, 40, or 50 years. People regularly present a false account of themselves during that honeymoon period. Confidence, ambition, humor, intelligence, and just about any quality under the sun can qualify as attractive based on your personal taste. People might hang on to relationships through insecurity or being worried about the emotional intensity of a break-up.
We might give people the benefit of the doubt more than they deserve. People are sometimes incompatible. They also change. It makes you a human being who sometimes makes decisions based on wants, not needs. Or a human being whose needs change over time. Maybe they have a child with their partner and fear the consequences of a split. It could be that one partner has become financially or emotionally dependent on the other. I felt like Seth Cohen winning over Summer Roberts.
We dated, but it ended quickly. When I returned to treating her nicely—like the way I figured a normal boyfriend interacts with a girlfriend—she swiftly lost interest and moved on to another dude. It hurt a lot. You should see the LiveJournal entries I wrote back then while listening to a lot of Bright Eyes and trying to make sense of it all.
When I acted this way, more women seemed to be attracted to me. This happened to me several times before I eventually concluded that when wooing women, I was trying too hard. I was treating them the way I thought a woman I liked would want to be treated, with chivalry and attentiveness and that sort of thing. Then, the more you push them away during the relationship, the more they want you and the harder they try.
Of course, not all women are this way—but many are, at least at some points during their dating lives. I decided that if the women I really liked were likely going to break my heart when I started being nice to them, I would consciously change the way I behaved toward them. I was unkind to women who treated me much better than I deserved. I blew them off.
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